NaNoWriMo Completed - Novel is not
October 19, 2006
Can you believe it? The Month of November flew by and already word count numbers everywhere are being discussed. Well, for me I made it, I got past the challenge of NaNoWriMo - fifty thousand words in thirty days ….. wooohoooooo for me 
There is no final word count for Every Thorn Has a Rose yet. I’m not done with the novel. But at last count I was somewhere a little over one hundred thousand words. WOW
Anyway, yippee for me, and every other author who attempted and completed the fifty thousand word count goal. In the end what we wrote isn’t nearly as important as the fact that we wrote it…..I’m proud of us….and you should be too! looking forward to 2006 already and also delighted to have time to think of how to end Jess and J.J.’s story!
Updated Table of Contents
October 19, 2006
Every Thorn Has A Rose ©2005~2006 C.A. Dubois
J.J. Thorngood - a thorn in Jess’s side or a rose yet to bloom? That is what Jessup Rosenberg plans to find out. As two opposing worlds and minds collide while secrets rage, will these two people find their way to the one place they’ve never really been?
Table of Contents
Chapter 93
February 1, 2006
Unbelievably, Jess woke in J.J.’s hospital bed to find J.J. not in it. As he bolted upright and looked for his wife, Jess noted it was nearly eight in the morning already. “J,? he called softly as he managed to disentangle himself from a blanket that had been laying over him. Once up he checked and found the bathroom door wide open. Obviously J.J. was gone.
Jess stumbled more then darted to the nursing station only a few doors down from J.J.’s room. He wasn’t aware of his panic until he croaked, “My wife’s missing” to the three nurses standing behind the high counter. Jess didn’t recognize any of the nurses behind the counter and was about to tell them J.J.’s full name when Laura, J.J.’s first nurse appeared at his side.
“She walked down to the waiting room Mr. Rosenberg.�? Laura immediately told him.
“What? Is she supposed to be walking?�? Jess looked down the first of two long corridors J.J. would have had to walk.
“I walked with her. Someone down there promised to escort her back or call me. It’s good she is up and moving. She needs to do that.�? Laura reached for a chart and extracted a pen from her pocket.
Jess leaned on the counter and ran his fingers through his hair. His heart wasn’t made for all of these scares. Suddenly it dawned on his sleepy mind what Laura just said. “She’s with my family?” he cried as he jumped upright. “Oh hell…�? he muttered before darting down the hallway.
Jess never heard the four nurses chuckling to themselves as he barreled around the corner and nearly ran over someone in the hallway. Muttering a quick apology Jess kept racing towards the loud, raucous sounds coming from where he knew his family waited. At least it will only be mom and dad and some of my brothers and sisters, Jess thought just before he reached the alcoved waiting room.
No sooner had he thought those comforting words then Jess turned into the waiting room to see every single family member still there, plus more had arrived. Jess froze in his tracks.
People were excitedly congratulating his mother and father. No one noticed Jess at first as he watched the happy, smiling and tear filled faces chattering amongst themselves. Jess scanned the room and instantly spotted J.J. leaning heavily along a wall standing on feet from Monica.
“Hell…�? Jess muttered as his eyes locked on his wife. It was obvious to anyone paying attention that Monica was now telling J.J. the truth about Marcus and their baby and subsequent abortion. Monica was trying to reach out and hold J.J. by one arm, but Jess watched as J.J. waved off Monica’s support. J.J. leaned against the wall instead as she covered her mouth with her left hand.
Jess wasn’t even able to take a step towards J.J. before she turned instantly and her eyes instinctively found Jess’s. Jess’s heart broke as J.J.’s eyes reflected the agony, remorse and horror she now felt because of everything she had said and done to Jess due to believing a lie. Tears flooded J.J.’s eyes as she tried begging for forgiveness from across the room with just a look.
Instantly Jess raced past the family that now noticed him. In a flash J.J. threw her arms around Jess’s neck as he gently pulled her to him. J.J. completely disregarded the IV line that attached her to the nearby pole as she whispered over and over, “Oh God I am so sorry Jess, please forgive me…please…�? Jess hated hearing how choked her voice was. He felt her tears on his neck and she held onto him for dear life.
While carefully moving her IV line so it wouldn’t rip out of her hand, Jess held her tightly and buried his face in her hair. “Shhhh, it’s okay, I should have told you…Shhhh, please J.J., Shhhh…�?
J.J. seemed inconsolable at first, but as Jess continued to hold her and whisper soothing words into her ear she slowly began calming down. With some help from Monica, Jess managed to get J.J. and the attached IV pole over to a nearby chair in order to sit. Jess was never so happy as when Monica suddenly and inexplicably managed to coral his gathering family and get them towards the front of the waiting area.
Still offering soothing words while holding her, Jess closed his eyes and felt a huge burden being lifted off his shoulders. J.J.’s knowing of the truth wouldn’t fix their problems, especially their inability to communicate, but just the fact that she knew and didn’t hate Jess offered him sweet relief.
J.J. finally pulled away enough to look at Jess. Tears still poured down her face but she was no longer openly sobbing. She still looked as remorseful and horrified, but through all of that Jess thought he saw a sparkle of love in her eyes.
Jess had J.J.’s face cupped in his hands. With his thumbs he fought an unending battle to wipe the tears from her cheeks. He was trying his best to smile through his own tears as she held firmly to his thigh while searching his eyes.
“Why…�? She begged of him. Jess thought J.J. was asking him why he hadn’t told her the truth. He was trying to formulate an answer when J.J. finished her question. “Why would you let them say that about you?�?
The way she looked, the sound of pain in her voice and the way she seemed concerned with how Marcus ruined his reputation, touched Jess and left him speechless. At first he could only smile at J.J.
“How could you let this ruin your life?�? She begged.
“It didn’t ruin my life J,�? Jess answered as he felt. “He was my best friend. I’d do anything for him. I gave my word to him and Monica. I couldn’t let him down.�?
J.J. lightly reached up and moved one of Jess’s unruly curls from his forehead. She took her time and examined every inch of Jess’s face. When her eyes returned to his the horror had faded and the remorse was barely visible. Both were replaced with the one thing Jess had never thought he’d see in her eyes; respect.
“You didn’t.�? She whispered painfully. Instantly J.J. began sobbing again, this time with a soft, sad smile barely resting upon her lips. Despite the obvious pain she felt, she crumpled into her husbands arms. For the first time in years, Jess felt proud of himself.
—–
“What is going on with them?�? Tracy whispered loudly. Josh and Monica had formed a protective line between Jess and J.J. and the rest of the large family still gathered in the hospital waiting room. Everyone had witnessed J.J. flinging herself painfully into Jess’s arms. When the couple sat down along the back wall, the family had tried to walk over to them. Monica instinctively positioned herself between the couple and the family. Josh made his way through the crowd and joined her. Monica was relieved.
“Look, why don’t we go for breakfast and let them talk.�? Josh suggested quietly.
“Josh,�? Tracy stomped her foot. “What is going on? You call us and tell us they had twins. We race here in the early morning hours only to be left in this waiting room with nothing more then some excuse that we can’t even see our own nephews until SHE holds them first. Nobody lets us see her; nobody will let us see the babies. And now they show up here and want us to leave so they can have a talk? What the hell is going on?�? Tracy demanded. Gregory tried calming his wife by placing a hand on her shoulder. Tracy shrugged it off and shot him a dirty look.
“Tracy, they have been through a lot.�? Josh offered calmly. “You weren’t there, it was pretty bad.�?
“We would have been if SHE hadn’t kept us away!�? Tara protested. Stepping to her sister’s side, Tara looked past Monica and Josh. “I know they…�? Tara sighed and shook her head. “I don’t understand them or how they even became a couple. They fight like nothing I’ve ever seen, but Josh - right now I care more about the babies. Can’t we see them for ourselves or be updated by a doctor on their condition? How do we know they’re even alive?�?
Josh and Monica exchanged glances. Josh understood his family’s concerns and confusion. With every other sibling in the family, things were open and often shared by all family members. With Jess and J.J. they seemed to keep their hardest and most trying times to themselves. Even for Josh it was hard to understand. But the last two days and Monica’s conversation with him also told Josh that not everyone was as closely knit as he and the people before him were.
“I have to say Josh; the waiting is causing me some concern too.�? Joanna suddenly but softly added. “We’re not trying to cause any trouble.�?
“I know mom,�? Josh sadly offered. He looked over his shoulder at his brother who was holding J.J. as tightly as he dared while whispering into her ear. “Hold on,�? Josh muttered.
With one last look at Monica, Josh slowly walked to the back of the waiting room. He had to clear his throat three or four times before Jess looked towards him. Kneeling down he could hear J.J. softly sobbing, her face buried in Jess’s neck as Jess stared at Josh.
“I’m sorry,�? Josh whispered to Jess. Josh hated interrupting them and for the life of him, Josh couldn’t figure out why they were doing this here, but they were. Jess looked disturbed but not annoyed, fortunately. Josh fumbled for words. “Are you…is everything okay…they’re…uh…getting worried - well they’ve been worried….they’re now almost….I don’t know what to tell them.�?
Jess’s eyes glanced towards the group of concerned eyes. Exhaling slowly, Jess shrugged. He didn’t know how to deal with his own wife, let alone begin trying to explain any of this to his family. “I don’t know man�? Jess confessed.
All of a sudden a teary eyed J.J. turned to see Josh kneeling beside them. At first she seemed disoriented, as if she didn’t understand who Josh was referring to, but then her eyes spotted the family members being held at bay by Monica.
“They’re starting to worry that there is something wrong with the twins…�? Josh quickly explained. Jess and J.J. looked at each other. For a brief instant panic flickered in their eyes.
“Why? Did someone from the NICU come down here?�? J.J. furiously wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked between Jess and J.J.
“No,�? Josh instantly reassured her. Reaching up to rub her back lightly, Josh tried to smile. “They haven’t seen the twins yet and they’re not doing to well at understanding all this privacy you two cherish.�?
If Josh thought his words would explain anything to J.J., he was wrong. J.J.’s sad face turned to one of confusion. “Why haven’t they seen the twins….Ohhhhh they can’t go in the NICU…The viewing window will have to be good enough, we can’t…�?
“No J,�? Jess interrupted his wife. “I wouldn’t even let the staff show the boys through the viewing window.�?
J.J. blinked and shook her head slowly, the NICU staff said specifically that any family member could go to the viewing window and ring the bell and the staff would allow them to see the babies.
“I thought you should get to hold them before the entire state of Iowa descends upon them.�? Jess nervously confessed.
For a split second J.J. scrunched her face up. Either she hadn’t expected Jess to choose her over his family, or she didn’t understand his motives, but slowly she began to soften her look as she nodded.
“We’ve made such a mess of things Jess. We have to fix it.�? J.J. whispered as she peered towards his anxiously awaiting family. “I need to go back to my room and let the nurse know. Talk to them. I’ll meet you in the nursery?�? J.J. weakly suggested as she carefully stood up.
Jess protested in a voice no louder then a whisper as he helped her to her feet. “J, they can wait for all I…�?
“Jess,�? J.J. softly but firmly interrupted. Jess took one look at her and knew arguing with her, despite his best intentions was not going to help anything. “We’ll talk later. I promise.�? She whispered before kissing his cheek.
“I’ll walk you back first.�? Jess started to take her arm. For some reason Jess didn’t want to talk with or even face his family right now. He didn’t want to leave J.J. and he didn’t feel comfortable at all about any of this.
J.J. saw his reticence and smiled weakly. J.J. shook her head no and reached for Josh. “Josh and I can go. You need to talk with your family.�?
“Actually,�? Monica suddenly interrupted. “I’ll go with J.J., both of you stay here with your family.�? Monica instructed with a warm smile. The two women’s eyes locked on each and they nodded simultaneously.
Letting go of Josh, J.J. neatly tucked her arm under Monica’s and the two of them walked slowly past the nearly silent Rosenberg family. Jess slowly walked on the other side of J.J. until they reached the halfway point down the hallway.
“Toots, they can wait, let me take you ba…�?
“Jess,�? J.J. groaned. She closed her eyes and stopped her slow walk in order to look at him. “Laura needs to get my vitals and change this stupid dressing or something. It’s gonna take me a few minutes to get back to my room and then let her do whatever she needs to. They don’t know what’s going on,�? J.J. nodded towards the waiting room. “Go speak to your family. They’re worried too.�? She softly instructed.
Jess glanced helplessly at Monica and then to Josh who was now joining them. Despite the pain filled look in her eyes, all three of them knew J.J. wasn’t going to change her mind. Jess softly relented. “They’ll ask about your surgery.�?
J.J.’s eyes looked to the floor and it pained Jess to watch her reaction. Although Monica and Josh couldn’t understand what her simple gesture meant, Jess did. J.J. took a hold of his hand and squeezed it firmly. Slowly she nodded her head yes. When her eyes met his again, Jess knew she wanted him to tell the family everything. Clearing her throat she managed to gruffly say, “Twenty minutes or so and I should be heading to the NICU.�?
Jess tried to smile. Kissing her cheek softly he nodded. “I’ll meet you there. I love you J,�? He whispered.
J.J. searched his eyes for a split second and tried to offer her own smile. “I love you too,�? She stated cautiously.
Reluctantly Jess let go of her hand. He expected to watch Monica take J.J.’s arm, but J.J. waved Monica away. Slowly, J.J. turned and began making her own way down the long corridor. Monica walked besides her, pushing the IV pole between them as Jess and Josh watched the women. Only when J.J. made it to the corner and rounded it did Jess let out a long, deep breath. At least now the nurses could see J.J. if she had any problems. Even though she was out of his sight, Jess remained staring down the hallway.
“Jess,�? Josh softly called.
Jess turned to his brother and sighed. Glancing down to where his sisters stood watching them, Jess ran his fingers through his hair one last time. “Why do I feel like I am walking into the lion’s den?�? Jess asked as he fell into step beside his older brother.
Josh kept his chuckle soft as he glanced at Jess. “Because you are man, because you are.�?
—–
Updated Table of Contents - Every Thorn Has a Rose
January 27, 2006
Every Thorn Has A Rose ©2005~2006 C.A. Dubois
J.J. Thorngood - a thorn in Jess’s side or a rose yet to bloom? That is what Jessup Rosenberg plans to find out. As two opposing worlds and minds collide while secrets rage, will these two people find their way to the one place they’ve never really been?
Table of Contents
Chapter 92
January 15, 2006
“Mr. Rosenberg,� a soft voice called. Jess opened his eyes to find the nurse smiling warmly at him but also scolding him with her eyes. “I can’t reach Mrs. Rosenberg’s arm. I need to check her IV.�
Jess blinked once and realized why the nurse was having a hard time. Over an hour ago, at J.J.’s insistence, Jess had gently crawled into the bed and allowed her to cuddle up to him as comfortably as she could. Right now, Jess was lying half on his back and halfway against the bedrail as J.J. lay tucked on his left arm and against his chest.
Jess carefully lifted his hand which covered J.J.’s arm that had the IV. The nurse chuckled at him.
“She asked me to,� he whispered so softly to the nurse. The nurse nodded and gently placed J.J.’s hand back down. Within minutes, the nurse had checked everything she needed and left the room, drawing the curtain closed for the most part.
The light that squeezed through the space between the curtain and wall, allowed Jess to look down at J.J. as she lay slightly propped against him. Jess wanted to stretch his body, but didn’t dare move. He didn’t want to wake her after she cried herself to sleep.
Around two in the morning, J.J. quite suddenly and inexplicably “awoke�. Although she had been lapsing in and out of sleep all day long, when she woke up this time in the early morning hours, she did so with a clearer mind. In fact Jess had been sleeping in the chair and hadn’t even noticed she was awake until he heard two female voices whispering in her room. When he opened his eyes, he found J.J. with the headboard of her bed risen up so she was in a semi sitting position.
In between sipping whatever was in the glass she held, she giggled and whispered, “See I told you he sleeps lightly,� to her nurse. Jess almost whooped for joy at seeing J.J. nearly ‘normal’. It was only after her nurse left the room that Jess stood up and moved closer to her.
Following the nurses and J.J.’s lead, Jess spoke in whispers as he reached for her free hand. “How are you feeling?�
J.J. only replied with one word, “better�. Although J.J. still looked pale, and Jess could see reflections of pain in her eyes, she looked “better� and it made him smile. He wanted to hug her so desperately but he feared he’d hurt her so he chose to lightly run his thumb over the top of the hand he held.
For a long time J.J. watched his hand caressing hers. Jess stood beside the bed staring at her, kicking himself for having nothing to say now that she was awake but praying all day long she’d wake up and talk. Quite suddenly J.J. slowly and painfully shifted on her bed. Scooting so that she was closer to the left bedrail, she whispered, “Sit down�. Jess obliged, carefully.
It was only after Jess sat down that J.J. actually looked directly into his eyes. Almost immediately he watched as her lower lip began to quiver. Reaching up with his free hand, he gently caressed her cheek. “Shhhh, don’t cry,� he begged like an idiot. Of course she’d cry. Jess had spent the day accepting and absorbing everything that had happened, but for J.J. it was as if everything was being dumped on her now.
“How are they?� She pleaded through her tears. Slowly, Jess smiled. Less then two hours ago he had called down to the NICU unit and received an update on their health. Sitting on the edge of the bed while holding her hand, Jess told her how they were currently doing and then he worked his way backwards in time, telling J.J. everything that he had learned since the moment he first spoke to Doctor Taylor.
“They are doing much better then when we first arrived.� Jess swore to J.J.
“I want to see them,� She demanded through her tears.
“J.J.,� Jess tried soothing her, but J.J. didn’t listen. Finding and depressing the call nurse button, as soon as the nurse entered she uttered her demand again. Jess was prepared for a fight when the nurse said no, but surprisingly, the nurse nodded and stated she’d be back with a wheelchair after she called to alert the NICU.
The worst part about going to see their sons for the first time since the delivery was watching J.J. deal with the pain as she slipped from bed and walked to the bathroom before seating herself in the wheelchair. Although her eyes were bright, she still looked pale, weary and exhausted as Jess held her hand and they were escorted to the NICU.
Once at the parental entrance to the unit, they were met by a woman named Pamela who was the night nurse for J.T. and J.R. Pamela was a bright and cheery woman in her mid forties, and she quickly explained not only why Jess and J.J. would have to wear the protective gowns into the unit, but what they could expect when they saw the boys in their incubators.
Although Jess hadn’t yet held either boy since they were taken from him at arrival, he had been inside the unit twice checking on them. Both times Jess had found he couldn’t speak due to the lump in his throat as soon as he saw how tiny they were. This time as they were taken into the unit, Jess tried to prepare himself for J.J.’s initial reaction. He didn’t know if she recalled seeing the boys during or immediately after delivery, so he tried to prepare for the worst.
J.J. had been clutching Jess’s hand with a death grip as Pamela pushed her wheelchair between the two bassinettes. At first all J.J. could do was gasp as she looked into the left incubator and saw J.T. Wearing nothing more then a diaper and a tiny blue skull cap, the tiny four pound nine ounce baby lay on his back making suckling movements as he slept.
“Oh my God, a doll is bigger then he is!� J.J. cried as she released Jess’s hand. Instantly she reached in and lightly touched the baby’s skin. “Wow� She marveled as J.T. squirmed slightly.
As J.J. lovingly touched and checked her first born son, Pamela stood back and quickly gave Jess and J.J. and update. Pamela also explained what each lead, line or IV was for, and why it was necessary. After a few minutes, J.J. never stopped touching J.T. when she looked up at Jess with tears in her eyes and smiled.
Jess knew what the look of awe, fear and pride was in J.J.’s eyes. Jess had had nearly 22 hours to absorb that he was now a father. For J.J. the realization that she was a mother had just begun. All Jess could do was stand next to her and rub her back as he too touched his son’s tiny body with one finger.
All of a sudden, J.J. pulled her hand from J.T.’s incubator and turned towards where she knew J.R.’s was located. Jess quickly turned the wheelchair around and pushed her to J.R.’s beside.
“Hi there,� J.J. cooed immediately as she began to cry. Despite her tears, she was smiling as she reached in and touched her smaller, but much more active son. “Where did you come from?� She instantly asked J.R. If Pamela hadn’t brought Jess a stool to sit on, he was certain that his emotions would have landed him on his ass. J.J.’s reaction to the second, surprise twin was priceless and Jess knew he’d never forget the expectant look on his wife’s face as she asked the tiny boy where he appeared from.
Pamela again recited J.R.’s health status as well as every treatment or monitoring device he was being subjected to but she could have been reciting the alphabet for all J.J. seemed to notice. At least Jess thought J.J. wasn’t paying attention, until her eyes snapped up as Pamela informed them that J.R. had already lost an ounce. J.J.’s face fell, but Pamela did her best to assure J.J. and Jess that it was normal for babies, especially preemies to lose weight after birth.
“Can we hold them?� J.J. dared to ask. Jess froze and held his breath. They looked so much tinier in the NICU then they had at that barn. Jess was concerned he might hurt them if he held them too tightly. But Pamela was undaunted and quickly got both Jess and J.J. situated in rocking chairs.
One of the other nurses came over and quickly, in unison both nurses explained how to hold the tiny infants and how not to get tangled in all the wires and lines. Within a minute Jess and J.J. each had a baby in their arms. J.J. was instantly enamored.
Jess wouldn’t let go of J.T. no matter how securely the tiny boy fit into one arm, but J.J. seemed unafraid as she reached one hand over and touched J.T. while holding onto J.R. “There are two of them!� She cried in utter disbelief. Jess wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t help himself as the tears poured down his face.
For quite a few minutes, J.J. inspected each little toe and finger on J.R., along with every other part of his body. Then suddenly she looked to Jess and with that same old twinkle in her eye she said, “Trade Ya�. Pamela began laughing out loud while shaking her head.
“How about you let me do the trade and you two stay seated?� Pamela suggested as she gently lifted J.R. from J.J.’s arms. Within minutes Jess and J.J. had switched babies and now J.J. inspected her eldest son.
“They’re so tiny� She kept whispering to no one in particular. Jess couldn’t decide who he was more infatuated with, J.J. or the boys themselves.
“Oh noooo,� J.J. softly cried. Jess heart almost stopped as he looked from J.R. over to J.J. to see what was wrong. J.J. was grinning from ear to ear, “We’ll never be able to use the saying, “were you born in a barn� to get them to close the door!�
Jess blinked. Pamela blinked. But J.J., J.J. just laughed painfully to herself and told J.T. that she’d find a better saying and that he’d best not leave the door open anyway. Jess knew as he began laughing through his tears that tiny or not, J.J. was going to be the best mother to his newborn sons.
—–
Jess pushed J.J. back to her room when she began getting tired again. After getting her back into bed, and allowing the nurse to once again administer pain medication to J.J., Jess found himself sitting on the bed holding her hand.
“How are you feeling?� Jess asked her again. Now that she was lying in a comfortable position, the etched lines of pain seemed to recede from her face a little. Again J.J. answered with one word, “better�. Jess assumed she’d once again drift off to sleep since she had every time the pain medication had been given to her, but J.J. continued to surprise him. After shifting slightly so she could sit up a little more, J.J. finally asked her second question, “Why surgery?�
Jess felt his throat constrict. All day and night long, he had tried to figure out the best way to tell J.J. about the surgery and its results. Looking at her glassy eyes, Jess knew there was no best way. “You’re uterus ruptured sometime during the deliveries. They had to go in and stop the hemorrhaging and repair what they could.�
“I don’t understand,� J.J. confessed.
Slowly Jess began explaining the hows and whys of the uterine rupture, just like Dr. Ackley and Dr. Bellows had explained to him. For fifteen minutes J.J. listened quietly. “If they hadn’t been able to repair it, they would have done a hysterectomy.� Jess admitted softly.
“But they were able to repair it, right?�
Jess sighed and had to look away from her nervous eyes. “They repaired it so that it is intact.�
“But,� J.J. coaxed. Obviously she detected something was wrong. Jess looked up into her eyes. At first all he could do was shake his head no. J.J. watched him like a hawk, trying to read the unspoken words in his eyes.
“But,� She urged him again. Jess clasped both her hands in between his.
“We can’t have anymore children J,� Jess confessed almost inaudibly.
J.J.’s eyes locked on his and instantly he watched disbelief flash through them. Her mouth dropped open slightly and she held her breath for a few seconds. Just the anguished look on her face was enough to kill Jess, but when she whispered, “Excuse me� as if to make what he just said go away, he thought he’d rather died then live knowing he did this to her.
“You can still get pregnant,� He forced himself to say. “But if you do, the ruptures were so bad, they’ll burst again - and this time much sooner in the pregnancy. It will kill the baby and most likely you too.�
J.J. started shaking her head no in confusion. She looked away from Jess, over towards the hallway of the hospital. He watched as she tried to speak but said nothing at first. Suddenly her eyes snapped back to his. “They can’t fix it - later?�
“I’m sorry,� Was the only answer Jess could give his wife.
J.J.’s face fell as the reality of the situation hit her. She tried pulling her hands away from his as her eyes filled with tears, but Jess wouldn’t allow her. She kept shaking her head no and she was gasping for air like a fish out of water. She couldn’t say a word and yet every time she opened her mouth to speak and nothing came out, it spoke volumes. It also broke Jess’s heart.
“Toots� Jess begged, unsure of what exactly he was asking from her. J.J.’s eyes met his and finally she began to openly cry.
“No more babies?� She squeaked heartbrokenly. Jess reached up to cup her cheek in his hand.
“We have the boys toots.�
“But,� she begged Jess.
Second by second her defenses and denial wore down and J.J. began to crumble in his arms. For a long time she sobbed helplessly against his chest, unable or unwilling to say anything more. It was all Jess could do to hold her in his arms and whisper what he hoped were soothing words of love that might someday ease her pain.
When Jess thought she had cried herself dry, she surprised him by laying back and lowering the head of the bed somewhat. Then without saying a word she literally drug Jess into the prone position the nurse had found them in when she entered J.J.’s room just a few minutes before.
Once J.J. had carefully maneuvered her sore body into a semi cuddled position, she began crying again. Jess had been whispering how much he loved her into her ear when she nearly broke his heart. “Please do,� she begged with regards to his pledge to love her, “I feel so empty inside….�
Now as J.J. remained sleeping in his arms, Jess finally allowed his tears to fall. Almost twenty four hours after delivering his sons in the Wickfield Sales Pavilion, Jess cried himself back to sleep in his wife’s hospital bed.
—–
Chapter 91
January 15, 2006
Josh made it all the way to the edge of the waiting room before the thirty some odd people who gathered around noticed him. Clapping his hands together loudly, and then rubbing them as if to hurry everyone up, Josh announced, “Well, have we decided where we’re going to eat yet, I’m starving.�
“Where’s Jess?� Tracey automatically asked. Josh took a deep breath and forced himself to continue smiling.
“He’s going to stay with J.J. - so shall we? Are we carpooling?�
Instantly people began to protest. Josh held up his hands and tried quieting down the disappointed masses. Tracey started to dart past Josh to head down to where she thought her brother Jess might be. Josh grabbed Tracey by the shoulders and stopped her. “Hold on there Tonto, why don’t we leave them alone right now. He doesn’t want to leave her, okay.�
“Well that’s ridiculous. She isn’t going anywhere. He has to eat.� Tracey stated unhappily. “We always go out for dinner. It’s a tradition when a baby is born. Why won’t he come with us?� Other anxious family members began to chime in their agreement with Tracey causing Josh to once again hold up his hands to silence everyone.
“Please, I know this isn’t how we’d like it to be right now, but,� Josh began to try and console the family; however his Aunt immediately interrupted him.
“We’ve been here since early this morning. Over 24 babies have been born to my side of the family alone, and we still haven’t seen hide or hair of either of these twins. This just isn’t how we do things Joshua. Now I think Robert needs to march down there and talk some sense into that boy.�
Josh bit his tongue, hard. “Look,� Josh tried again, “He doesn’t want to go to dinner. Is that so wrong? We can still go. We can still celebrate. Why don’t we all….�
“It’s not just dinner Josh.� Someone else cried out. “We’ve been here all day and he won’t even let us see the twins. Why NOT?�
“He wants J.J. to be able to hold her sons before this monstrosity of a family descends upon them. Is that so much to ask, a private mome…�
“She called us a monstrosity of a family?� Libby cried while jumping to her feet.
Josh almost cursed. “NO, I said that! She barely recognized me when I saw her just now - she’s been out of it all day.�
“You saw her,� Joanna immediately stepped forward. “You got to see J.J. but we didn’t?� Joanna asked as she glanced to Robert.
“Mom, please. It wasn’t planned, and she barely recognized me. It just happened when I found out …� Josh allowed his voice to drift off, but already it was too late.
“Found out what?� Joanna narrowed her eyes at her son.
“Mom,�
“Joshua Lawrence Rosenberg, what did you find out?� Joanna demanded.
Josh rubbed his forehead. Sighing heavily he looked to his father and tried to smile. “J.R.’s name is Joshua Robert.�
Stunned silence filled the waiting area. Josh watched his father’s eyes fill with large tears. Despite the growing murmurs around the two men, Josh understood the emotional impact his announcement made.
“They named one of the twins after you and your father?� Joanna gasped. On her lips was the tiniest of smiles, one created from sheer amazement.
“I guess Jess was trying to keep J.J. awake while they waited for the ambulance. He asked her what to name the other baby, she chose Joshua Robert.� Josh felt a hot flush grow on his cheeks as Alicia finally made her way to his side. She was practically glowing with pride.
“That’s so sweet,� She softly cooed as she rubbed Josh’s back.
“That’s such bullshit!� Jeremy suddenly gasped. “How many times did I ask to name Michael after dad?� Jeremy suddenly demanded from his wife Libby. Libby looked embarrassed and shook her head no.
“Haven’t you always said we shouldn’t chose family names,� Jeremy demanded from any of his immediate family nearby.
“Jer,� Libby softly tried calling his name.
Josh’s eyes met his brothers. “I don’t think they meant any harm Jeremy,� Josh offered honestly. Josh knew by the look in Jeremy’s eyes, this wasn’t going to be pretty.
“Harm,� Jeremy began as he flopped into a chair. Lifting an arm to place it casually, sarcastically over the back of the chair beside him, Jeremy cocked his head to one side and smiled bitterly. “They never mean and harm Josh, do they?�
“Jeremy,� Libby gasped.
Everyone around them shut up and watched the disgruntled brother ignore his wife and stare up at Josh. “Jess didn’t mean any harm when he brought J.J. home and got her lost in a snow storm, did he? She didn’t mean any harm when she turned our parent’s farm into some big city party for Christmas. And nobody ever meant any harm at all when her mother forced a situation where our daughters had to tromp through a muddy pasture to get to their aunt and uncles wedding.� Jeremy suddenly sat upright and clasped his hands together before leaning on his knees.
“I see your point little brother. neither of them meant any harm when they acted so immature that they separated during these last few months - the stress of which surly could not have led to this pre-term delivery…no, they didn’t mean any harm, did they?�
“That’s enough you two.� Robert suddenly stepped between the two men. “Everybody’s tired, we’re stressed and concerned. Let’s not be saying things that will only make matters worse.�
Jeremy stood up. “That’s right, let’s not speak any truth around here, lest we upset the happy couple.� He suddenly spit out.
“HOW DARE YOU!� a female voice suddenly demanded. Everyone turned to see Monica standing only feet away from the three men staring at one another.
“I don’t know how they do things here in Iowa, but where I come from, we don’t sit and have petty arguments in a waiting room because we don’t like the names picked out for the baby.� Monica looked around the family and friends gathered in the waiting room.
“Do you want to know WHY Jess won’t allow anyone near her or his sons?� Monica demanded from everyone. Waving a hand around the room, she continued; “This is why; this right here. This silly, superstitious, pre-set rules and regulations that all of you expect them to follow, or else.�
Turning to Jeremy, Monica addressed him specifically. “So you asked to name your son after your father and somebody said no. If you weren’t man enough to name your child whatever you wanted him named, don’t be blaming J.J. or Jess for that now. That’s all on you Sir and no one else - except perhaps your wife.�
Whirling around to face Tracey, who had protested so loudly before; Monica’s voice grew in strength. “And God forbid your brother might not want to go eat some crummy dinner in some two bit, all-you-can-eat buffet as his wife struggles to become conscious and his twins struggle to breathe on their own!�
“AND YOU!� Monica turned to the obnoxious aunt. “For 24 babies born into your side of the family, THIS is how it is done, doing it YOUR way or else someone needs to march down there and talk some sense into his head?�
Monica paused and looked around the room slowly. “Before anybody is going down there to talk some sense into Jess or J.J., they’re going to have to go through me.� She declared in a hot, angry voice.
“How dare you people do this? How dare you act as though your lives have been so disrupted by any of this? Did they call you and ask you to be here? Did they?� she demanded. Waiting to be sure that no one would speak, Monica softened her voice but not her tone. “I didn’t think so. So if you don’t like how you’re being treated or that you’re missing your petty dinner, OR the names they picked out - I invite you to leave, because if this is familial support - THEY DON’T NEED IT!�
You could have heard a pin drop in the waiting room. Even the nearby nurses station was silent as every member gathered looked shamefully down to their shoes or the floor. Monica was so disgusted with the pettiness before her she turned around as she muttered, “Heartland of America my ass!�
—–
Chapter 90
January 15, 2006
Jess had been sleeping in a chair beside J.J.’s bed when he heard Josh’s soft voice calling his name. Sitting up, he saw Josh had entered J.J.’s room but remained near the door. Jess rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair. Glancing at his watch he realized it was nearly eight thirty in the evening - judging by the darkness outside J.J.’s window.
“How is she?� Josh asked as Jess walked to him.
All day long J.J. slept. Occasionally she’d wake up, often calling her brother, Marcus’s name at first. Each time Jess would race to her and try reaching through the exhaustion and the strong pain medications she was on to help her understand where she was. The last two times she awoke, she called his name, and that alone gave Jess hope.
“She stays awake a little longer each time. I don’t know. They say it is normal for someone so exhausted and with the loss of blood she went through, but I’m worried.� Jess admitted to his brother as they stepped just outside the door. From where Jess stood, he could easily talk with Josh while watching J.J.
“How are you doing Jess?� Josh asked as he too shifted so he could look in on J.J.
“I’m okay. I’ve been cat napping while she sleeps so I’m good.� Jess tried running his fingers through his hair in order to straighten it up. He knew he didn’t look good and he was worried Josh would run back to the waiting room and confess as much.
“I’ve been sent down with a few questions and because I am to force you to go with us.� Josh confessed as he laughed at his brother. Jess looked at Josh curiously. “They want to take you out for a congratulatory dinner.�
“I’m not going anywhere.� Jess growled with disgust. Just the thought of celebrating while J.J. laid in a drug and surgery induced stupor infuriated Jess. He understood that his family assumed everything would be okay, but still.
“I told them as much. Do they listen - well Monica did.� Josh admitted with a shrug. “You’re big news Jess, we had to move to a regular waiting area there are so many people down there.�
“What are they doing, planning to spend their Saturday night in a waiting room?�
“Yep,� Josh nodded slowly while jamming his hands in his pockets.
Jess sighed. He hated knowing his immediate family was waiting but the fact that even more people had arrived and now there was some form of huge gathering disturbed Jess. “What are the questions?� Jess asked as he looked to the floor.
“Well,� Josh began hesitantly - “Just remember I am only the messenger.� Josh instructed his brother. Jess chuckled and nodded. Poor Josh. He had been through as much as Jess and he was stuck dealing with the gathering ensemble.
“First, they want to know when they can begin sending gifts - flowers, baby stuff, you know how they are.�
“I don’t know. She’ll be moved once she’s more cognoscente. They’ll have to wait until she gets to her own room. Next,�
“They asked again if they could at least see the twins before some of them have to leave?�
“I told them, after J.J. holds her sons, they can see the boys.�
Josh smiled and nodded. “Tracey and Tara want the keys to your house so the women can go over and begin getting a nursery ready.�
“WHAT? NO,� Jess looked around nervously. He hadn’t meant to yell as loudly as he did, but for the love of God, he wasn’t letting his family take over like this. Josh held one hand up and signaled Jess’s answer was good enough for him.
“And their last question,� Josh took a deep breath. “They want to know what J.R. stands for.�
Jess’s eyes turned from his wife to his brother. For a split second, Jess tried to imagine what might have happened if Josh hadn’t arrived when he did. Clearing his throat, Jess managed to croak, “Joshua Robert,� before his eyes filled with appreciative tears.
Josh froze. If anybody had told the man that his youngest, often tempestuous brother would name one of his son’s after Josh, Josh would have thought they were out of ‘their rabbit ass mind,’.
“Damn man,� Josh managed to say as his own tears began welling in his eyes. Grabbing Jess into a heartfelt hug, Josh continued speaking through his shock. “Are you out of your rabbit ass mind? Those boys both being named after us….their gonna fight like…like…� Josh couldn’t find the right word.
Jess pulled away from his brother and began laughing, “Like brothers,� Jess suggested with a twinkle in his eye. Josh couldn’t hide his shock or the honor her felt. “J.J. picked it out while you were going for an ambulance,� Jess admitted.
Josh looked into where his sister in law lay. “Can I?� he croaked while pointing towards her. Jess nodded. Although he had planned on not allowing any of his family to see J.J until she was awake and able to decide if she wanted visitors, Jess couldn’t deny his brother a moment with her.
Jess walked into the room, watching as Josh softly called her name while picking up her hand. All of a sudden J.J.’s eyes fluttered open. Jess raced to the other side of her bed. As her face grimaced when she tried to move, the brothers exchanged concerned looks. J.J.’s eyes kept fluttering open and close until she was able to keep them open and focus.
She muttered something under her breath and Jess looked to see if Josh had caught it. Josh leaned over and asked her to repeat it and J.J. slowly said, “You found me again.�
Josh looked to Jess for some sort of explanation, but Jess could only shrug his shoulders. Every time J.J. had awoken, she claimed to be lost. Every time Jess would try and sooth her fears by letting her know he was right there with her. Jess didn’t understand what she meant any more then Josh did.
“Hey beautiful,� Jess softly called to her to get her attention. Slowly she turned her eyes to him and finally she smiled.
“How come he’s always finding me and bringing me back to you?� She asked happily. Her words were music to Jess’s ears. He couldn’t answer her except with a kiss. To hear her say anything about being with Jess, gave him hope.
“Where are the babies, are they okay?� She suddenly asked. Her voice was growing stronger and she seemed to be able to move her head in a more coordinated manner as she tried to look around the room. Jess was in the process of telling J.J. where the boys were and that so far they were doing well when her eyes found Josh again.
“Are you crazy naming that boy after me?� Josh asked her tenderly. J.J. smiled weakly and closed her eyes.
“I’m out of my rabbit azz mind…� She muttered sleepily. Both men laughed, more from relief then her humor. “Jess,� J.J. called despite being unable to open her eyes anymore.
“I’m right here toots,�
“Sleepy,� She muttered.
“It’s okay, get some rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up.� Jess promised her before kissing her forehead.
“I love you,� she whispered. By the time Jess was able to tell his wife that he loved her too, she had drifted back to sleep.
—–
Josh tried removing the smile from his face before he got back to the waiting area and the large, anxious group of family and close friends. After J.J. had drifted back to sleep, and both men were sure she was asleep soundly, Josh and his brother stepped back outside her room. There they stood talking for nearly a half an hour.
It had taken the two men nearly five minutes to realize J.J. had been referring to Thanksgiving night that Josh found J.J. wandering the snowy pastures of his parent’s farm when she remarked that Josh had found her again. After that, their conversation went in various directions. When Josh realized he had been gone almost forty five minutes, he remarked that he should get back to the others.
“If I don’t get back soon, they’re libel to mount up a cavalry and come looking for both of us.� Josh shook his head. Although Josh never minded the close, almost suffocating effect of his family, seeing Jess struggle to have some privacy made Josh realize it wasn’t an easy thing to have if you were a Rosenberg.
“Did you want me to tell them J.R.’s full name yet? Have you told dad?� Josh suddenly asked. It dawned on Josh during his time with J.J., that because she and Jess always planned to name their son after Jess, they had never dealt with the task of picking and choosing names for babies. Because of that, they wouldn’t have known, or at least J.J. wouldn’t; that with all of the grandchildren, naming them after a family member was discouraged. If not openly discouraged, it was at least not done.
It wasn’t a rule per se, but as soon as the eldest siblings started having babies, hurt feelings often developed during the name choosing phase of the pregnancy. Either someone in the Rosenberg Family would feel left out, or someone from the in-law’s family. Because of that, all of the Rosenberg Siblings and their spouses always chose names that were at least two generations away from the baby on both sides of the baby’s family.
“I didn’t even think to mention it to dad. Why, should you not tell them?� Jess asked curiously.
Josh thought about explaining his hesitation to Jess, but looking at his brother, Josh knew this was the last thing Jess needed to deal with. “I can tell everyone, I didn’t want to say anything though if you or J.J. wanted to tell them yourselves.� Jess appeared to buy Josh’s quick explanation and hugged Josh quickly before heading back to his wife. Once Josh saw that Jess was safely ensconced in the chair next to J.J., he headed back to the waiting room or the lions den as the case may be.
—–
Every Thorn Has a Rose - Updated Table of Contents
January 14, 2006
Every Thorn Has A Rose ©2005~2006 C.A. Dubois
J.J. Thorngood - a thorn in Jess’s side or a rose yet to bloom? That is what Jessup Rosenberg plans to find out. As two opposing worlds and minds collide while secrets rage, will these two people find their way to the one place they’ve never really been?
Table of Contents
Chapter 89
January 14, 2006
Jess was still standing at the doorway chuckling when he heard a familiar voice call his name. Turning, Jess watched as Doctor Ackley and Doctor Bellows walked towards him; both men still wearing scrubs. Jess forgot the doddering woman who just surprised him and his family and walked to meet the doctors.
“How is she?� He demanded as he prayed silently.
“She is going to recovery now. She came through surgery very well.� Doctor Ackley explained. Jess flopped back against the nearest wall. The news that she wasn’t dead or dying caused every ounce of tension to leave his body and now he felt like Jello had taken the place of his bones and muscles. Jess wanted to ask questions, but God help him he didn’t know what to ask other then, “Can I see her?�
“She’ll be in recovery for at least and hour Jess.� Doctor Bellows informed him. “When she is in a bed, we’ll send someone for you.�
“What happened?� Jess gasped.
Doctor Ackley and Doctor Bellows exchanged a look in order to establish who would inform Jess of the surgical procedure. Doctor Bellow’s nodded to Doctor Ackley and Doctor Ackley led Jess over to where the two chairs were positioned.
“Her uterus did rupture. Luckily we did not have to give her any blood.� Dr. Ackley began.
“How bad is it?�
“Well, we were able to save her uterus, but with the repairs we did, we don’t believe she’ll be able to have children anymore Mr. Rosenberg. I’m so sorry.�
Jess allowed the news to sink in slowly. Instinctively he uttered the one question on his mind, “How could this happen?�
At that point both doctors began explaining why they thought J.J.’s uterus had ruptured. For being 32 weeks in gestation, both twins were considered relatively big. The combination of that, the undiagnosed of twins and J.J.’s small frame, along with the extended labor that went undetected, led to the rupturing during J.R.’s delivery.
Doctor Bellows was beside himself with regret. “In the last ten years, I’ve never missed a set of twins Jess. Obviously the smaller twin was able to hide himself behind his brother somehow. I am so sorry.� Doctor Bellows apologized.
Jess wasn’t able to speak to either man’s apologies. He was just as sorry as they were, feeling somehow responsible for this happening.
“Does she know?� Jess asked as he closed his eyes.
“No, she’s just beginning to come out of the anesthesia now. We’ll tell her when she is more lucid and able to comprehend this.� Dr. Ackley confessed.
“No, I don’t want anyone telling her but me.� Jess demanded as he looked into each doctor’s eyes. For a split second he thought they’d argue with him, but slowly each man acquiesced.
“You need to understand something Jess,� Doctor Bellows began, “J.J. can still get pregnant; at least she should be able to. But carrying another child will most certainly end in a miscarriage if not another pre term delivery and uterine rupture. She may not be as lucky next time. I do not want either of you to get up false hopes. We’ll get her on some form of birth control as soon as possible, but for now I need to know you understand this. If J.J. becomes pregnant again, her life and the baby’s will be in danger.�
Jess stared at the doctor, nodding slowly. If it meant never being sexually active again, there was no way Jess would allow this to happen another time. “I’ll make sure she understands that. How soon can I see her?�
After consulting their watches, they suggested perhaps another half an hour or so. Jess inquired as to how long she’d need to be hospitalized, and was surprised to hear it’d be only a few days. “She’ll probably go home before the babies do Jess.� Doctor Bellows announced. It was at that point that Jess realized, they’d be returning home with no children what-so-ever. Although Jess knew the twins needed to be hospitalized, it hadn’t dawned on him that he and J.J. would have to live without them for a while.
Jess listened as Dr. Ackley spoke of a few more concerns and then excused himself to go check on his patient one more time. Doctor Bellows sat down beside Jess and slowly Jess told the doctor the entire story.
“Is there anyone I can call for you Jess, your mom and dad?� Doctor Bellows kindly offered. Jess nodded to the waiting room door. “They’re all in there. I just needed to be alone.� Jess admitted. “Doctor Bellows, can I ask you something?�
Doctor Bellows nodded.
“Would J.J. want my family to know about this, about not having children anymore?�
Doctor Bellows looked cautious. “She wanted things kept very private. I think she’d rather divulge this information herself, although I can’t be sure.�
Jess nodded. “I think so to.�
Together, Doctor Bellows and Jess decided it’d be okay to tell the family that J.J.’s uterine wall had been repaired the best it could and leave it at that. Once J.J. was told and had processed the news, together they could decide what, if anything else to tell the family. Jess and Doctor Bellows sat there talking about J.J. for so long that soon a nurse appeared and informed Jess he could see J.J. Jess stood up to follow the nurse but stopped outside the door to the waiting room.
“I can go in and tell them she is out of surgery and you’re with her, if you like.� Dr. Bellows offered. Jess thanked Doctor Bellows, shook his hand and quickly followed the nurse.
As Doctor Bellows watched the new father leave, he prepared himself for the onslaught of questions he knew the Rosenberg Family would ask. He also sent prayers that the two young parents could reach a happy medium and begin a new life with their new family. After Jess turned the corner and disappeared, Doctor Bellows reached up and pushed the waiting room door open.
—–
Where am I, J.J. thought as her eyes fluttered open. She hurt, badly; but she didn’t seem to be able to tell where the pain was coming from at first. I can’t think right, was J.J.’s second thought. For some odd reason, every sense she had, sight, sound, smell, touch and ever taste was thrown out of whack.
Trying to focus her eyes on anything, J.J. attempted to lift her head. It didn’t work, but why?
Slowly, bits and pieces of the last twenty four hours came to mind. Although none of her memories returned in a chronological order, she finally figured out she must be in the hospital, and she had the baby. Oh wait, wasn’t there two babies? J.J. struggled to decipher if she did remember giving birth to two babies or if there had been only one and the second baby was some form of dream or irrational illusion.
Suddenly the hand she struggled to lift, flew into the air and thus into her sight. On her arm were four hospital bracelets. One was red and had something written on it, one was white and appeared to have more information on it, but the last two were identical and blue. In Large black pen the words Baby A Rosenberg and Baby B Rosenberg were scrawled on the blue bracelets. As J.J. tried to focus enough to read the other two bracelets, her arm fell down against her stomach.
“Ahh� She cried out, feeling a searing pain race upwards and downwards from her lower abdomen. That’s when J.J. started to cry. She hurt, she was disoriented and confused and she had no idea where she was or why she hurt like this.
Instantly, and to her horror a face, shadowed over heavily; appeared just above her head. “I’m right here toots, Shhhh.� The voice cooed softly. Through the foggy shadows of her mind, J.J. thought she recognized the voice. When she tried to say her brother’s name, it came out very scratchy and was no more then a whisper. “Marcus?�
“No toots, it’s me, Jess…Shhhh. It’s okay, I’m right here, I’ve called the nurse.� The tender voice of the shadowy face told her.
Almost immediately J.J. recalled Jess. He was her husband; he had been with her in the barn. He delivered their baby, no wait babies. Jess was carefully brushing hair out of her face and gently touching her cheek as she struggled to get control of her mind. “The boys are doing fine, their in the nursery. You had to have surgery so you’re groggy, but it will wear off.� Jess told her softly.
J.J. thought she felt something wet hit her cheek, and she could feel Jess gently touching her, but the sensation was off somehow. It was as if she could feel his touch being very close and very far away at the same time. J.J. tried to focus her eyes on him, but they kept falling closed again. They burned as if they hadn’t had a tear in them for years, and they felt scratchy too.
A new voice suddenly spoke, scaring J.J. enough to turn her head in what she thought was a quick manner. From somewhere very close and yet again also far away, J.J. heard Jess telling this new female voice that J.J. awoke screaming. “Are you in pain J.J.?� the voice asked her as J.J. felt her other hand being moved. J.J. heard herself practically cry yes, and then babble incoherently that the pain kept getting lost too.
“It’s the anesthesia Mr. Rosenberg; it affects people in different ways. She’ll be coming out of it more and more. She’ll be more like herself once she fully regains consciousness.� The woman explained. Although J.J. could understand the words enough to hear them as English, she didn’t comprehend much of what the soft female voice was saying. Of course she was herself, who else would she be, she pondered. “J.J., I am going to give you something for pain, in your IV. It may burn a little, but it should help pretty quickly.� The soft female voice seemed the easiest for J.J. to understand.
“I feel lost� J.J. managed to whisper to whoever was stroking her cheek.
“You’re not lost J, I’m right here with you. I’m not going anywhere, just get some rest toots. I need you.� The familiar male voice began shimmering away in the dark inky blackness J.J. was falling into.
“I need you too,� She barely voiced. J.J. faded off to sleep hearing only the sound of distant I love you’s being called to her. The last thing she thought was, I feel so lost.
—–
Chapter 88
January 14, 2006
Jess had dragged one of the waiting room chairs into the hallway. Not long after he went to Josh and informed Josh that the boys were holding their own did the multitude of questions begin. For reasons Jess had yet to understand, he simply could not tolerate all of the family right now. One of his sisters, possibly Tracey asked that Jess take everyone to the viewing area so they could see the twins. Jess had been hugging Josh when the question was asked, and it caused Jess to stiffen.
“Not until J.J.’s held them.� Jess had heard himself reply.
The room fell quiet as soon as he said that. Jess knew his family did not agree with that at all. Jess didn’t care. All he knew was J.J. had purposely removed herself from the family’s immediate attentions and Jess wasn’t about to allow them to flood back into her life unless she wanted them to. It was only when Jess heard a small, “But…� Uttered form someone that Jess knew he had to get out of there. That’s when he took a chair and headed to the hallway.
The only one who seemed to understand Jess’s need for space was Josh. He had nodded to Jess and given Jess a look that said, I’ll handle this, as Jess left the room. Jess might have felt guilty about leaving Josh to deal with the family, but right now his feelings were undergoing such violent tumbles, he didn’t know what he felt.
When Jess’s aunt’s and uncles, along with cousins began arriving, Jess found he had to turn his chair so it faced the window in order to avoid the many well intentioned hugs and questions from them. For the first time in a long time, Jess truly missed the distance that living in New York provided him.
Sitting in the hallway, staring out to watch the slowly dawning sun, All Jess could think of and do way pray. He wanted to be grateful and happy that his sons were doing considerably well for what they went through and for their early birth, but every since J.J. began lapsing out of consciousness all Jess really feared was that she’d die.
As he was sitting there allowing his worst fears to shape his mood and thoughts, he heard a very soft voice calling his name. Turning around, Jess saw his Grandmother Rose standing perfectly coiffed in the hallway. “Grandma,� Jess gasped as he stood and walked to his grandmother from his mother’s side.
Wearing her Sunday best, as she called it, Grandma Rose stood leaning on her intricate, wooden cane. Jess was absolutely shocked to see her here, because for years Grandmother Rose and her daughters had been estranged. She didn’t even come to family weddings or the family Christmas party anymore.
“My Great Granddaughter, Victoria called me Jessup. Is it alright if I come sit with you a while?�
“Yes, yes of course. Please,� Jess offered his chair to the woman. She gently reached up and accepted his arm and Jess escorted her to the chair and helped her get comfortable.
“How is J.J. doing?� Grandma Rose asked as she began pulling off her white gloves. Jess knelt in front of the woman in amazement. He had never introduced J.J. to Grandmother Rose. He was surprised to know his grandmother even knew of his wife, let alone her condition.
“She is in surgery Grandma. Her uterus ruptured. They may have to do a hysterectomy.� Jess confessed willingly.
His grandmother smiled and odd smile, and then reached down and patted his hand. “She’s a strong girl; she’ll come through this with bells on.�
Jess stared into his Grandmother’s eyes. All of his life he could never recall her being an affectionate woman. He also never heard her say a good word, willingly; about anyone. And how she would know whether or not J.J. was a strong woman was beyond Jess’s comprehension.
“You should locate a chair. It looks mighty foolish to be on one knee before this old woman.� His grandmother teased softly. Jess nodded, more because he was stunned, and then he stood up, raced down the long hallway and took a chair from another area and brought it back. Once he was seated next to her, he looked at her more closely.
Time had worn down the wrinkles in his grandmother’s face. Where once they were deeply etched in her skin; now her face was softer and rosier. Her hands also felt soft as one reached out and covered Jess’s hand. But the biggest difference in his grandmother was her eyes. Never before had Jess seen them shine happily.
“You’re wondering why I am here.� She stated more then asked. Jess nodded carefully. Grandmother Rose had always been the strict, sharp tongue member of the family. Nobody argued with her, she wouldn’t allow it. She also didn’t tolerate much of anything from anyone. She was perhaps the exact opposite of the warm and close Rosenberg family. She was cool and distant.
Jess looked towards the waiting room door. If anyone stepped out and saw Grandmother Rose, he was sure mayhem would break out.
“Yes, they can be a bit pushy can’t they?� she commented as though she had heard her grandson’s thoughts.
“They mean well Ma’am.� Jess offered.
“But that’s not very helpful in times like these, is it Jessup?� His grandmother’s eyes danced with delight. Jess found himself smiling despite her presence.
“No Ma’am.�
“I suppose you’re out here because it is a bit too oppressive in there?�
“Yes Ma’am,�
“And you’re probably beating yourself for not being the man your father taught you to be?� Grandmother Rose questioned. Before Jess could answer, his grandmother continued. “Do you know what my crime in life has been Jessup?�
Jess blinked. Shaking his head no, he tried desperately to wrap his mind around her almost cryptic method of conversation.
“I didn’t tolerate the subversive, secretive lifestyle that seems prevalent in this family.� She admitted as she tucked her gloves into her purse and began taking off her hat. Jess openly gawked at the woman. “That’s right, I didn’t like the lies - no matter how well intentioned they were. Your mother and her sisters had a hard time with the fact that I didn’t buy into the romanticism of family secrets - so we’ve gone our separate ways.�
Jess felt his throat constrict with guilt.
“Did J.J. tell you how we met?� Rose asked her grandson.
“No Ma’am,�
“She walked up to me in the grocery store and introduced herself about a month and a half ago. Apparently she recognized me from photos.� Jess’s grandmother looked at him and suddenly the woman looked surprised. “Do you know why she introduced herself Jessup?�
“No Ma’am,�
“She told me she never felt comfortable not speaking with me because the rest of the family didn’t. She said it felt like a lie and she wasn’t comfortable with lies.� Grandmother Rose smiled. Jess found himself chuckling. That was so like J.J. to say. He could envision their first meeting and J.J. nervously babbling on to his grandmother. “We’ve had lunch together every week since. I like your wife Jessup. - Now, tell me about the new Great Grandchild I have.� His grandmother instructed.
Jess struggled to take a few deep breaths. Hearing that J.J. had spent time with Grandma Rose comforted him in some strange way. Slowly, Jess related the entire story of J.J.’s breaking down, being in labor and subsequent births. As Jess told the story of J.T. and J.R.’s births, his grandmother smiled brightly.
“I told her just last week she was awfully big to be carrying only one child. She told me to bite my tongue. Can you believe that girl, telling an old woman like me to bite my tongue?�
“Yes Ma’am,� Jess chuckled. “I can believe it.�
“But who was correct?� His Grandmother teased gently. Jess found himself laughing.
“You were Ma’am.� He admitted.
For a few minutes, Jess found himself answering various questions that his Grandmother gave him. Perhaps it was because he felt no pressure from the woman that made him so comfortable as he spoke to her, Jess didn’t know. But whatever the reason, he quickly realized how grateful he was for her appearance and company.
At one point they became quiet as they watched staff members walking down the hall. When it became obvious they weren’t coming to talk to Jess, Grandmother Rose spoke in a calm but concerned voice.
“If an old woman could give you a small piece of advice,� She began. When Jess nodded and patted his Grandmother’s hand, she continued. “There are many things that go into making a woman a woman Jessup,� She began. Jess instantly thought to himself, Grandma, if you’re going to give me the sex speech, it’s a little too late; but he kept that thought to himself. “And one of them is her ability to provide the man she loves with a family.�
“I don’t mean to tell you your business Jessup, but if this surgery doesn’t go as well as you like, remember that J.J. might have a hard time accepting she can’t provide you with a family anymore.�
“Grandma, we have two beautiful sons. It won’t matter if J.J. can’t have anymore children.�
“Now that’s why I am saying something Jessup. You’re a man; to you it may not matter. But J.J. may not think like a man.�
Jess stopped smiling cutely at his grandmother and started really paying attention.
“One thing she loves is your sense of family. You come from a large family. Most of whom, have large families. If she’s told she can no longer give you a large family, she might start feeling less of a woman - which we both know isn’t true, but she might feel it anyway. Your J.J. believed so much in family, she found time and courage to talk to this old woman. So think about what I’ve said, and just file it away in case you need it, okay?�
Jess nodded, swearing he would.
“And another thing, don’t let that well intentioned family of yours budge in on your privacy. Always remember you’re entitled to a private life. They have a hard time remembering that sometimes.� Grandmother Rose offered supportively.
Suddenly his Grandmother carefully stood up. Jess instantly rose to his feet to help her but she shooed him off. “Now I’m going to go in there and see what kind of trouble I can cause. You let me know if you need anything and give J.J. my love when you see her.�
Jess kissed his Grandmother’s cheek before walking her to the waiting room door. “I will Grandma, I promise.�
His Grandmother smiled sweetly at him and put one hand on the door to push it open. Suddenly she stopped and her eyes danced with a daring look. “Maybe I should open this door and yell Boo, what do you think?� she asked as she giggled. Winking at Jess, his grandmother pushed open the door and began walking in. Jess heard the room become instantly quiet and then he heard his mother’s voice cry, “Mom�.
Jess couldn’t help but laugh as the door fell shut behind his grandmother.
—–
